The Wait

Six years suddenly happened like it was only yesterday.  You might just be running around while i run out of patience.

And sooner than i can see, i think i will just have to whistle against the wind  so you will hear my longing telling you to stop at that place i have intentionally dropped some tears for a mark.

Come now my dearly beloved. I have graciously gathered many a courage to fool myself you are just some prayers away...

  

Dear Solitude,

I wonder why every encounter with you 
sets off something unusual beyond explanation.
Your presence ignites the inner yearnings
that have always been so uncertain. 
You remind me once again that life itself 
is sometimes as void as the longings
that are kept in the dimness of secrets.
Do you really mean to stimulate my sanity?
Or do you just come to remind me 
that if happiness is founded in material realm
the pleasure is as fleeting as our life's journey?
That if I live for the One who created both of us
I can truly call my life worth-lived?
If so, then don't only come as often as i want
but stay as long as you will 
then consume my whole being 
and grant me that debt of gratitude
that will become my wings when i fly home
when i leave everything behind
and meet the very Force that sends you to me.

Up Until Now

I chased for the things I thought mattered,

And found people hurting me in the end.

I pursued feelings I deemed pleasing

But got hold of myself wounded with the memories left.

I fancied for a  life full of excesses,

And found myself somber over the affluence I claimed mine.

Up until now I thought life is all about those I chased for

But alas it is in fact about the things that matter less in the world

Yet matter more in God’s eyes!

I played life by the character I thought I was

And ended up disgruntled over the performance I gave

I followed the role I felt was mine

And incessantly found the discontent that haunted me all along

I presumed I have to run after life so I can face the battle strong

And ended weary ,upset to find I can never outrun it.

Up until now I thought life is a play prepared and done

But alas it is in fact an unfinished piece to take part on

A work in process in God’s hand!

The Shadow of Lie

You come in great majesty
I envy your splendour, your radiance I spite
Your voice echoes amidst the dusk and gloom
With hands giving out all as boundless, as infinite as my dreams
Amidst the envious eyes of truth.
Would I embrace you as if you are mine?
Or would you grip my wholeness as if I am yours?
Lounge with me little lies and we can grow mighty together.
Give me the best you have and I will hand you the worst I can be.
But wait, life is still fair even if it is brief
And in the end what matters is not what I have become in the darkness
But what I am able to do beyond the dimness
So stay away now and let me follow the light.

Sometimes When it Rains

I want you to know my eyes are getting tired  crying for you.

My mind tells them to stop seeing you

In the fondest memories we have shared

In every hurt I feel for letting you slip away

In every painful regrets for choices I have made.

Now that you are gone, I am starting to fancy for rains

And sometimes when it rains, I feel a sudden surge of joy

They have little hands that amazingly hide my tears away from  my eyes

 Because I can just let my tears fall along with the raindrops

And pretend  I am happy dancing along with them.

HOLD ON MY LOVE

The steadfast and the mighty can sometimes be shaken
As they grip eternity and clutch the time not to end
They will be stunned how the faltering winds
Can waft the strength of their minds and the highness of their breath

Yes there is a time when oneness opens its hands
To a daunting breaking of a bonded existence
And at that point we will unwillingly uncover
The fiery bleakness of fading, drowning and dying promises

And yet as the silent chill continues to hurt
Our loud longing silently gather the slumbering might
To heal the festering sore, the bleeding cut
And restores what we had till forever my love.

So today as you say my love I, forever, will stay
Alight the doubts, wipe away all uncertainties
For in time you will find the unfaltering rays
Of a love that is told, an eternal oneness to behold!

Finding My One True Love

I know there’s a place you also patiently wait
That one day I will come and find you in a smile
But could it be just across where I stand
Or far behind where I stumbled
Or just simply around where I cried
The day i broke my heart and died.

Where do I find you?
Are you in those busy cafes or in those bare places?
Could you be that teller in the bank
Or that vendor across the street
Or could you be the new neighbour
Or the driver , or the gardener or the poker player?

I can’t imagine a life without you so come, please do come
And let me feel your heartbeat as I lay on your chest
With you whispering how beautiful life is
With us being together for a lifetime
Pounding everything that’s against us
And defying all hitches that come between us

The travel is far and tough, I know it is
It may end up even going back home still alone
But I will continue my search with unceasing faith
Even if it would lead me to finding the truth
That the one true love I have longed for
Is myself and no other more...

Second Chances

I wouldn’t mind telling myself that I’m missing you
I wouldn’t be bothered to say how stupid of me to let you go
That I long to trace your touch on evenings when you say goodnight
That I long to kiss those lips when you smile as I say sleep tight.

There were days I must say that life without you seemed right
But there were also nights that felt cold without you to hold tight
There were rainy afternoons that brought warm cosiness even without you
But there were sunny mornings too that seemed dark because I’m missing you so.

I hope you still keep the love letters I have written
Because yours are still here and are kept deep within
Do you sometimes think of me and the thoughts of what we used to be
Or have you gotten that far to say no trace of whatever to remind you of me.

If you believe in soulmates, I don’t know if you are the one
Well I hope to find mine before I’m eternally gone
But my heart tells me it’s you, believe me dear when i say so
Because each time I look at myself I always see you, beloved it’s true.

I still wake up each morning with a simple prayer, to tell you honestly
T hat I’d grow old endlessly happy with the person who chooses to stay
I still keep the faith of having you again so that in the end
It would be me and you walking hand in hand towards our final bend.

Along with the Ebbing Tide

You came so fast and went away
just as swiftly as the waves head off after kissing the shore
I cried and hoped that when the light dies out
I will find someone to guide me along the way.
My plight brought me to the point of nothingness
And after losing you I don’t seem to know now
how to grab the things that matter most
and to let go those that are not meant to last.
I wanted to know you are not going through without difficulty
That at least you’ll realize how hard life can be without me too
But you seem happy now and it hurts how easily you have set aside
Our time, our love, our promises and all that we have.
Those beautiful memories I have had with you
Are the only ones now I kept holding on to
Believing that in all of the dreams I make every night
I will have you briefly pleading me to stop weeping and go on with life.
I wanted time to travel slow but it flutters so fast
And as always, I am left downhearted with my broken aspiration
That at least for once I will see you missing some parts of me
So that along with the ebbing tide, I can now let you go freely.

Loving the Pain (Sequel to The Pain of Loving) 9:02 PM of September 28, 2010

By the time you read these lines
I swear I have learned to forget death and pain
And along with this new life
Comes the promise of falling in love again.

I thank God life is fair for both of us
Because when w e ended up, we equally lost each other
I did not just lose you
But you too lost me.

Now I learned that while the winds of pain truly blew me hard
It brought back my life to me
Yes the life I have lost because when I found you
I have left aside what was truly mine.

Yet still I have no regrets that we once became one
Because i know deep in my heart that i have taught you
To feel how it is when someone gives his all for love
Even to the point of losing what truly belongs to him.

Now as I start the first steps of finding love again
I pray that life gives you what you longed to have
So that in the end life would still be fair for both of us
You finding yours and me finding mine.

And Life Smiled At Me

When everyone seems to leave
and nothing is left of you ...
Breathe high and extol the heavens
For you still have your life with you

When people close to your heart
start to distance and forget you
whimper not for life will find someone
more precious and worth keeping for you

When after falling for someone
that someone suddenly dies out
wallop not your heart in dismay
one day you’ll know why he has to go

When after so many tries ,still,
you can’t get a grab of that slippery dream
doubt not your will to achieve
dreams are made to come and go

When you feel you can’t love anymore
and fate leaves you in a bitter end
forgive your heart and your spirit
and love will find you unexpectedly

In everything that comes your way
whine not but raise your spirit in praise
Someone up there is grinning at you
when you smile at life, life smiles at you too!

Where Are You

I remember how you cried along when life seemed hostile back then
You cuddled me as the first few drops of tears followed the stream of a flowing grief
And with those hefty mood we trusted life will recompense our heavy spirits
while yearning that one day our fancy dreams will bring us to the longings of our hearts

My time did come for a life heaped with the good things we wanted
But your time to see and share them with me suddenly took that startling turn
Awed with such a page in life I have never expected, I grieved for you
Leaving me reaped the fruits of our dreams and hopes in solitude and in tears.

I went out and looked for my missing piece, yes I still do till now
Believing that one day, with a sugary smile, I will get home humming our song
To find you eagerly waiting on that old chair we used to cuddle and tickle
Happy enough to claim we have beaten life’s mystifying battle of agony and misery

My words may not find you so soon my good old friend
But in time when my mind reaches that final bend
And when my spirit grapples the last strand of my breath
I will see you and hug you and we will be happy even beyond our graves.

The Pain of Loving

In the beginning there is attraction.
And you start to live life beautifully.
Then he says he loves you and life starts to shower drops of rainbow bits.
And then you will think you’ve kept enough of them
and start to believe you will never get hurt anytime soon.

And life continues to be beautiful.
You laugh, laugh and laugh even louder this time.
Then the wind of change starts to blow.
And you are blown out of proportion.
Or so you think.
But you will remember the rainbow bits you have kept.
And those will tell you to hold on stronger-
To walk against the blowing of the wind.
And the wind gives up.

Life is beautiful again
because you think you have won a battle between life and love.
But then the wind comes back.
This time mightier than you can ever think.
And the chills start to get worst.
And you start to shatter.

And break into pieces.

And then you simply want to die…