Loving Both of You

There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less

The lines above are just but simply lyrics of a song for me until today. A friend of mine is trapped in a similar situation. I was wedged into questioning if it’s really possible to fall in love (romantically) to two persons at the same time? The answer  I got from a friend was surprisingly unexpected. According to him, it is truly possible. That is his personal point of view. And while there is probably an element of truth to his view, mine is different.  If one loves two persons at the same time, that person either truly loves one of them while fooling the other or that person is completely fooling himself/herself.

I deem it necessary to dig a little deeper on what love really is.  According to Helen Fisher, an expert on the topic of love, experiencing love is of three partly overlapping stages: lust, attraction and attachment. Lust initiates an increased release of testosterone and estrogen triggered by a passionate sexual desire that rarely lasts for few weeks or months. When a commitment to an individual is formed, attraction comes in that temporarily lasts from one and a half to three years. Attachment is the more serious version of the first two stages.  Relationships born out of attachment usually last for many years and even decades. It is a bonding that promotes significant connection between  or among people. If we consider Helen fisher’s theory, the most important question one should ask when caught in a dilemma of loving two persons at the same time should be: WHICH STAGE ARE WE IN?  Because each stage signifies different analysis. One might end up realizing how fleeting feeling can be mistaken as true love.  Mind you, there are instances where a person suddenly gets attracted to another for various reasons while still in a committed relationship. But still the question will point again as to whether it is lust, attraction or attachment. I will leave the burden of analyzing your own situation to no one but yourself.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler give love its ideal meaning. In their book Life Lessons, love is considered as the opposite of fear, the core of creativity, the grace of power, the source of happiness and an intricate part of who we are. I know everyone agrees love is the source of happiness. If this is so, how can one say it is possible to love two persons at the same time? Let’s assign A to be in love with B and C. As far as A is concerned, the situation is good. But what about B and C? Would they really like A to love them both altogether?  Is there really love when one party is in deep gloom while the other is in teeming ecstasy? Well unless the three of them honestly accede to carry on the relationship. But even so, how long can anyone of them last? Would it not be so selfish for A to persist loving both B and C? If love is the opposite of fear, can B and C continue living a life of self-assurance? What can happen now to the words guarantee, confidence and security for them? I know how terribly hard it is to be in this condition. My conviction is this: if you can honestly say life is far better now having both of them, then it pays to be torn between two lovers.  But if you believe love is what gives our days their deep meaning and if it is what we are truly made of, then it pays to love with full responsibility to ourselves to others and to our God.

2011 and ME

The previous years had been so intense for me both emotionally and psychologically. Finding and eventually losing a lover, witnessing a lousing friendship and getting vertigo all at a very close time interval were just so extreme and had me almost blown out of proportion. I must admit I was caught unguarded with those disparaging events in my life.  And thank heavens I have a God bigger than all of those nit-picking  experiences to help me continue living my life positively.

But while the previous years brought so much distress, I was also luckier to have witnessed friends getting so much blessings in their lives. My best friend was able to pursue a career in Singapore and then another friend followed also and I had the 2010 ended with a successful  gift-giving activity I initiated with the help of some of my friends here and abroad.

This year might just be a surprise in the making. Who knows. Hehehe...

This 2011, I would like to try out some principles I have encountered through my readings and from the advice of some people close to my heart. I am sharing them with you and in case you find them practical and helpful, go ahead and make them your own!

               

·         Keep only the friends who truly value you. Discard the rest.

·         Be an entrepreneur in whatever capacity you can.

·         Focus on helping people who cannot repay your generosity.

·         Be honest all the time.

·         Always give time the best value. Never steal other people’s time.

·         Be nice always to your family. 

·         Always trust in God’s will for you!

·         Always think positively in the midst of all the negativity surrounding you!

·         Be a wise spender.

·         Be grateful all the time. Always value “debt-of-gratitude.”

Sometimes When it Rains

I want you to know my eyes are getting tired  crying for you.

My mind tells them to stop seeing you

In the fondest memories we have shared

In every hurt I feel for letting you slip away

In every painful regrets for choices I have made.

Now that you are gone, I am starting to fancy for rains

And sometimes when it rains, I feel a sudden surge of joy

They have little hands that amazingly hide my tears away from  my eyes

 Because I can just let my tears fall along with the raindrops

And pretend  I am happy dancing along with them.

Antique Collection

I am so delighted to know that my best friend obet bought an antique chests for me in Malaysia.Obet very well knew my passion for things that come with age and so when he got a glance of these old chests while gliding the side roads of Malaysia, he quickly took out some dollars and grabbed them home for me... Bet i am so excited for your homecoming in january of 2011!!!

HOLD ON MY LOVE

The steadfast and the mighty can sometimes be shaken
As they grip eternity and clutch the time not to end
They will be stunned how the faltering winds
Can waft the strength of their minds and the highness of their breath

Yes there is a time when oneness opens its hands
To a daunting breaking of a bonded existence
And at that point we will unwillingly uncover
The fiery bleakness of fading, drowning and dying promises

And yet as the silent chill continues to hurt
Our loud longing silently gather the slumbering might
To heal the festering sore, the bleeding cut
And restores what we had till forever my love.

So today as you say my love I, forever, will stay
Alight the doubts, wipe away all uncertainties
For in time you will find the unfaltering rays
Of a love that is told, an eternal oneness to behold!

Finding My One True Love

I know there’s a place you also patiently wait
That one day I will come and find you in a smile
But could it be just across where I stand
Or far behind where I stumbled
Or just simply around where I cried
The day i broke my heart and died.

Where do I find you?
Are you in those busy cafes or in those bare places?
Could you be that teller in the bank
Or that vendor across the street
Or could you be the new neighbour
Or the driver , or the gardener or the poker player?

I can’t imagine a life without you so come, please do come
And let me feel your heartbeat as I lay on your chest
With you whispering how beautiful life is
With us being together for a lifetime
Pounding everything that’s against us
And defying all hitches that come between us

The travel is far and tough, I know it is
It may end up even going back home still alone
But I will continue my search with unceasing faith
Even if it would lead me to finding the truth
That the one true love I have longed for
Is myself and no other more...

Second Chances

I wouldn’t mind telling myself that I’m missing you
I wouldn’t be bothered to say how stupid of me to let you go
That I long to trace your touch on evenings when you say goodnight
That I long to kiss those lips when you smile as I say sleep tight.

There were days I must say that life without you seemed right
But there were also nights that felt cold without you to hold tight
There were rainy afternoons that brought warm cosiness even without you
But there were sunny mornings too that seemed dark because I’m missing you so.

I hope you still keep the love letters I have written
Because yours are still here and are kept deep within
Do you sometimes think of me and the thoughts of what we used to be
Or have you gotten that far to say no trace of whatever to remind you of me.

If you believe in soulmates, I don’t know if you are the one
Well I hope to find mine before I’m eternally gone
But my heart tells me it’s you, believe me dear when i say so
Because each time I look at myself I always see you, beloved it’s true.

I still wake up each morning with a simple prayer, to tell you honestly
T hat I’d grow old endlessly happy with the person who chooses to stay
I still keep the faith of having you again so that in the end
It would be me and you walking hand in hand towards our final bend.