The Wait

Six years suddenly happened like it was only yesterday.  You might just be running around while i run out of patience.

And sooner than i can see, i think i will just have to whistle against the wind  so you will hear my longing telling you to stop at that place i have intentionally dropped some tears for a mark.

Come now my dearly beloved. I have graciously gathered many a courage to fool myself you are just some prayers away...

  

Living a Life of Healthy Relationships

We are made to live with others. This means that no matter what, we have to get along with the rest of our kind, otherwise we lose value of the design our Creator intended us to be.  And losing such value could mean depriving ourselves of the wonderful benefits healthy relationships bring.

Every relationship is meaningful.  No matter how trivial it may seem, it still has a meaning. In fact, Elizabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler in their book Life Lessons articulated that there’s no such thing as an insignificant or accidental relationship.  According to them every meeting, encounter or exchange, with everyone from a spouse to an anonymous telephone operator, no matter how brief or profound, how positive, neutral, or painful, is meaningful. And in the grand scheme of things, according to them, every relationship is important for even the most trivial encounter with a passing stranger can teach us great deal about ourselves.  They stressed that every person we encounter holds the possibility of sending us to happiness, to a loving place in the mind, or to a place of struggle and unhappiness.

It is ideal to maintain a loving and a healthy relationship.  But the challenge of achieving it is far more difficult than any other task because dealing with people of varying personalities entails exceptional people skill. There is no relationship that is not shaken by challenges. We, at one time in our lives, experienced a broken relationship.  So how do we maintain a healthy relationship?

There are only two main culprits in destroying a relationship: giving offense or getting offended.  Without these two, relationships stand tall vigorous and harmonious.  But because we are people of differing standards and principles, we are vulnerable to offenses, giving or taking alike.

Luckily, Wayne Cordeiro, author of The Seven Rules of Success have identified three ways to maintain a healthy relationship, whether it is friendship, marriage, or family.  According to Wayne good relationships should begin with us.  We should be the one to water and nourish the relationship around us.  He underscores that when it comes to relationships, a crucial Rule of Success is :  GO FIRST!

Go First in Diffusing Anger

The most common reaction or feeling when we offend or get offended is for the other party or us to get angry.  It is clear that the common denominator is anger.  Wayne Cordeiro pointed out that a powerful life principle is accepting blame to rebuild a broken relationship.  He added that who is truly at fault is not the issue and that for healing to begin, anger had to be diffused.  According to him this principle moves us from the problem side of the equation to the solution side and that taking the blame doesn’t mean one is guilty but one initiates the diffusing of anger so that healing can begin.  When we take responsibility to accept the blame even if we are not at fault, we simmer down the fire of anger and we start the best move of restoring the broken relationship.

Go first in speaking words that Heal

By the time anger is diffused, we don’t expect instant healing of the offense.  This is where words play a crucial role.  Words according to Wayne Cordeiro carry a great power to either kill or bring life and that words can turn a healthy relationship sour or a soured relationship back to health.  It is now our chance to speed up the healing by infusing the shaky relationship with words that bring back life. Talk nicely.  Revive the wounded relationship with kind and caring words sealed with genuine intention.

Go First in doing Good

While the first two steps are already part of doing good, this last step talks about overcoming evil by doing good.  Wayne Cordeiro is serious when he underscored that being silent or being neutral does not overcome evil; evil can only be reversed by an action of goodness.  It is repealed by an act of kindness and annulled by unexpected gift-giving, according to him.  The rule, as Cordeiro stressed, is to never withhold and draw back but to continue giving gifts of encouragement.  He added that a powerful Rule of Success is gift-giving because it impedes the intrusion of evil, inhibits the erosion of life, and initiates fruitfulness. He further articulated that the test of gift-giving is not when things are going well but is best applied as a catalyst for healing when things are not going well.

Relationships are made to last.  Only if we choose to. We may not rebuild what was broken instantaneously but we should in the right time  

Choose to live with happiness.  Choose to live free from unnecessary baggage of resentment. Life is beautiful when you choose it to be so.

Christmassy Bits and Pieces

I usually put up my Christmas tree as early as September. And why not? With the huge cost involved in putting up all those Christmas symbols, isn’t it just right to feast on such a spectacle for, well, just a short period anyway... uhhmmm over 4 months lol! I started putting up Christmas trees 3 years ago. And since then, I have always looked forward with exhilaration the yearly tradition of dressing up this little thing. To spice things up, I make it a point that each year has different inspiration and color theme.  This draws anticipation for friends and relatives who visit my place during Christmas season.



I started in 2011 with the traditional Christmas colors of red and green and gold. I made use of the poinsettias and some golden leaves.

Then in 2012 I came up with earth colored theme. I focused on the gold and silver inspiration. Embellished with feathers i painted in gold, I separated the copper toned balls at the lowest part of the tree.

 

And just last year, I decided to have a custom-made Christmas tree highlighted with crystals, blue and green theme. I spray-painted my tree with silver. I systematically arranged the balls according to size and sporadically according to colors. Big balls at the bottom and smaller ones at the top.

This year is another challenge to look forward to.  and as September approaches, all i need is to tickle my imagination to ignite that inner artistry with a little pinch of creativity... hmmm am excited!

THE INEVITABILITY OF AGING

Is aging inevitable?  I believe it is.

Aging becomes a major issue in our lives at one point—or many times, in fact, to some.  To some people, aging means senility, ill health or even death. The idea of us getting old is always a concern that prompts us to put in huge amount of money if only to reverse the process or to stay fresh and young all the time.  We are always terrified at the idea of us losing that splendour, that magnificence.

And while different business entities have come up with what they claim as the answer to aging, we become unnerved to getting the right potion for our dream to eternal youthfulness.  Beauty cream producers have always gotten us in their pockets.  And who does not fall victim of their drama when everyone rushes to believe the promise of staying young? We all do. We always do.

Aging to some would mean losing that marketability factor. We become less attractive thus making us last in line as far as viability is concerned.  We panic when at our late thirties we are still single or have not experienced yet having a partner.  In our forties we become crazy when a rivalry for a crush is between us and  a twenty something. Hmmm unless we are rich and we use our money to lure our prospect lol...  but that can only aggravate our insecurities right?

So how do we deal with this scary thing???

Deepak Chopra author of Ageless Body Timeless Mind says AWARENESS has the power to change aging and because it can both heal and destroy, the difference lies in how our awareness becomes conditioned or trained.  He added that although awareness gets programmed in various ways, the most convincing according to him are what we call beliefs. Belief is different from a thought. It is deeper and is more powerful. 

Deepak Chopra’s point is that our outlook in aging is most of the time programmed by what we experience in life.  For instance, if we are surrounded with people who believe that by reaching the retirement age they can just sit down by their rocking chair waiting for their deathbed, we probably might not consciously see ourselves winding up like them, but the truth is we are on the verge of duplicating how they age by unconsciously adopting their beliefs.  We probably might lose our control of the aging process by losing touch with our own awareness.

Aging according to Deepak as a whole is a vicious circle.  When someone expects to be withdrawn, isolated, and useless at a certain age (feels disgruntled over the appearance of wrinkles; feels afraid with the thought of growing old alone, etc...) he creates the very condition that justifies his belief.  When we are trapped in the consciousness of negativity, we can always create a new mode of awareness. By doing so we focus on the positive side and we alter the aging process.

Our awareness simply starts with a thought.  Once we understand that what we think becomes what we believe in, we start to become very careful of what we think about.  Wayne Dyer in her book  There’s  A Spiritual solution to Every Problem puts it nicely when she said “When you put your thought energy on your intentions with passion you ultimately act upon those thoughts and you are bound to attract what you are thinking about into your life.”

If we think our chronological age is what we really are, we become what it is.  So if we are 50 years old and we think, we act , and we feel as 50 years old we will look just as old as a 50 year old would look like.  But if we say we are 50 yet we think, we act and feel like we are still in our late 30’s people will simply wonder how we are able to maintain that youthful glow amid the years that pass by.  Our awareness is triggered by our thoughts and what we deeply put in our consciousness is what our belief system becomes.

When we see people that don’t look their age we sometimes reason out that it is because of their genes.  And science tells us that genes really has something to do with that. But what I see is the belief system that is passed through from generation to generation.  Remember that the people that surround us influence greatly our belief system.  So if you are surrounded by people of positivity, we inherit that positivity and incorporate it to our own belief system and we simply become like them.

Patty (not her real name), a friend of mine in her late 50’s still looks and feels she is in her late 30’s. She said she’s like her mother  who died at the age of 89 yet still looked like 65.  She recalled how her mother  was so conscious of her beauty regimen that even in her hospital bed she still managed to apply her facial moisturizing cream.  Patty claims she has her mother’s genes. But what she really inherited as far as I can analyze apart from the genes is her mother’s belief system.  And part of that belief is caring for one’s skin.  Patty believes on the power of moisturizing creams to delay the aging process. And as she believes so shall it happens.  Yet the most effective anti-aging regimen she consciously applies is the awareness of having a positive outlook.  True enough, when you are with her, her cheerfulness and vivacity will surely affect you.

The principle that states as you think so shall you be becomes our powerful weapon to combat the issue of aging.  Think young, act young and live young.  Reinforcing our belief system with thoughts of what we really want is vital in our battle to combat this issue.  Even if we consume barrels of beauty products that give the promise of eternal youth yet live a life of negativity, stress and constant worry we are doomed to age dreadfully.

As Deepak Chopra puts it “By increasing someone’s awareness, bringing it into a new focus and breaking out old patterns, you can alter aging.”

So, is aging inevitable? I don’t think so.

Yes we certainly will age.  But we can delay it and we can age gracefully.

THE LIFE I LIVE  is a recount of what life teaches me in my everyday journey -- the lessons that have either left a remarkable mark in my life or have made a significant effect to the lives of others. I figured that if important facets of my life are shared generously i will only have to carry the lightest of burden along my journey.

When Falling In Love Again Becomes Scary

When was the last time you have fallen in love?

My two-year relationship ended last 2009. And I have never fallen in love again since then.

My previous love affair was my first serious relationship.  It was one of the best times of my life until traumatic events occurred. My partner would surprisingly attempt to break up with me every time jealousy finds a way to him. And this happened at a time when my love for him was so enormous that losing him would seem the end of the world for me.  I would end up disturbed at home and during my office hours. I would find myself pleading him not to end our relationship. This happened around 5 to 6 times within the two-year partnership.

When the relationship ended, I felt relieved and thought I walked out with so much lessons learned--lessons I will be able to use with my next love affair. But the more I keep those lessons, the more  I am scared of ending up in a more traumatic relationship.  I kept wondering why after almost four years now, my interest of developing a serious liking to a prospect partner has diminished.  Could it be that I am now more critical of finding a partner? Or  Maybe the right person for me has not yet come. Or am I suffering from a more serious thing  which  author Richard B. Ross called Love Trauma Syndrome?

According to Richard B. Ross in his book  THE LOVE TRAUMA SYNDROME: FREE YOURSELF FROM THE PAIN OF A BROKEN HEART, a love trauma is the result of a perceived threat to a desired love relationship and that the greater the desire for the relationship to continue, the more severe the love trauma.  Richard Ross articulated that the more “in love” someone is, the greater the risk of a resulting love trauma syndrome if the relationship dissolves.

Two of the many symptoms of love trauma syndrome according to author Richard B. Ross would include expectation that future romantic relationships will end up in betrayal, disappointments, emotional pain or unhappiness and a diminished ability to experience loving feelings, fall in love; or a fear, apprehension, revulsion at the thought of falling in love.

In one of his articles Richard Ross stressed  that while some clinicians and researchers might still believe that love traumas lead to trivial conditions not worthy of attention by mental health resources  it  is in fact a potentially serious mental health condition that deserves increased attention. 

But while this scary thing may seem hard to heal, Richard Ross offers 10 easy  ways to recover from Love Trauma Syndrome. Here are his recommendations:

1. Recognize that romantic breakups can be traumatic and that your feeling devastated – even for a long time—is nothing to be ashamed of.

2. Do not wallow.  Commit to an active stance – exercise, go to museums, movies, try to have fun.

3. “Fake it till you make it”

4. Accept the wound – it will no tkill you.  Remember that Love Trauma Syndrome is a brain condition that takes time to heal.

5. Stop being upset about being so upset – it’s ok that you are upset.

6. Search for what you can learn from your experience – pull some victory from the defeat.

7. Resist the “psychological gravity” of your brain that generates urges to punish and seek revenge.

8. Do not withdraw from others -- maintain contacts with friends, relatives, acquaintances. Remain socially involved. Let some of them know that you're suffering.

9. Listen to popular music -- e.g. the radio is filled with songs that touch on almost every nuance of love trauma.  such "music therapy" can be cathartic and diminish your sense of isolation.

10. Live in the present.  Take up a recreational sport, such as biking or skiing, that requires your full attention and is able to shift your attention from your misery.. But don't do anything potentially dangerous -- remember that you might be more accident prone when you are sufferrng from Love Trauma Syndrome.  Be careful.

Richard Ross advises " If your depression and upset are pervasive and you are exhausted but still can't sleep, do not hesitate to seek help from a trained professional. Love Trauma Syndrome can be more serious than many people realize."

May we fall in love again and feel the magic every love brings!

Ibabao Christmas Sharing 2012

Stolen shot during the packing session

This year’s sharing of goods to our underprivileged brothers and sisters soared high unexpectedly.  Donors generously gave substantial amounts for the project to end up a success. I was actually only hoping to double the figure of last year’s recipients (120 households in 2011) but ended up a list of 290 households (initial listing was 270 but since there was still available funds, we added 20 more names) gladly receiving  3 kilos of rice, 3 cans of corned beef, 3 cans of sardines, 3 cans of beef loaf, a pack of bihon and half kilo of sugar.  We also raffled off 25 Christmas gifts of assorted table wares.

 This year’s distribution of goods also ended up with some donors taking time to personally hand down the Christmas gift to all our ever excited and ecstatic recipients. The whole afternoon of December 30, 2012 saw a lot of fun and gratitude from those taking home the goods.

But while 290 people walked home happily, some more 54 waited  to have their share of blessings. Unfortunately, they were not included in the list for reasons I considerately explained to them. I wish there were more bags of goodies for them.  

To all the donors who wanted their names withheld for reasons of anonymity, thank you very much for your extraordinary big-heartedness.  God will never be outdone with His generosity so expect loads of blessings this year. May we continue to bring smile to our destitute brothers and sisters in the years to come!

The ever excited and grateful recipients patiently waited for the distribution

Some of the recipients carrying their bags of Christmas goodies

Some friends volunteered to help during the packing session