CONDOM CONDEMNATION

The recent DOH’s distribution of free condoms stirred up the Catholic Church into discomfort claiming the benevolent act of the DOH to be immoral and irresponsible (emphasis mine). The contradiction of rationale behind the condom’s issue, the DOH claiming condom to be the best alternative to control the spread of HIV/AIDS in the country and the church’s view that giving out condoms encourages people to engage in premarital sex and in promiscuity, set forth a divisive view of the Filipino people.
The church’s strong cause is to solve the issue of HIV/AIDS by treating the very source of it. This would mean rooting up the very reason why people would resort to premarital sex and promiscuity that is by building up strong values and a stable moral quotient. I couldn’t help but agree. However, I also accede with DOH’s point that while the epidemic has already spread to quiet a number of people, necessary control has to be done. Otherwise the virus will continue to spread considering that most of the infected people are actually unaware that they carry the virus or, if at all aware, are irresponsible enough to be cautious in satisfying their sexual urges.
Personally, while it is partly the government’s responsibility to address the issue on the increasing number of HIV/AIDS carrier in the country, the major burden should still lie in each of us to be more cautious in performing any sexual activity. And this is where the church’s view becomes more relevant. Because no matter how many condoms the government gives to the sexing public, if everyone engages in premarital sex and chooses to do without it (as majority claims “condomless” sex is better) the problem will continue to soar high no matter what effort is done. The bottom line still points to how responsible the sexing public is. And talking about being responsible is a matter of attitude. It is a matter of what values a person has and what outlook one believes in.
On the other hand, the church’s claim of using condom very “uncatholic” gets me into questioning. Would using condom make us less of a Christian? Would it really hurt our faith? Because as far as I’m concern it really doesn’t lessen my belief in God. I mean I know premarital sex is a sin but c’mon let’s face the reality that many of us do that. So the least we can do is take extra care against any negative consequence. If we cannot stop committing this wrongful act, we might as well do some justice by being responsible with our health and that of our partners’. And that’s where the use of condom becomes significant.
Can these two entities blend their seemingly competent solution? Why not give out condoms and institute a massive information drive and educate everyone on the values necessary to live out a responsible and worry-free life? Why not reinforce each other’s view between the issue of morality and safe sex. Combining two opposing unit wouldn’t really hurt, if only to address a more serious issue than the existing irreconcilable differences (if I may call it)? Who knows something good will transpire out of ignoring each other’s strong indignation. What do you think?

When Forgiveness Becomes Us

Father Mario Sobrejuanite’s homily (aired over Studio 23) last Sunday on the gospel about “The Prodigal Son” brought me into thinking. You see, this favourite priest of mine never fails to ignite my inner sense every time he slices up the whole gospel relating every detail into stories that burst into flames of moral lessons that most of the time bring me into tears of affirmation. Thank you father Mario.

The Prodigal Son tells everything about forgiveness. Forgiveness at its highest degree and meaning. And I couldn’t help but go into raptures over the love behind that unconditional act of a father. A father who is never attached to revulsion and resentment after a son’s seemingly act of insolence. His is an example of how we should live out our lives. Of how we should reach out to every person we meet, reaching out with a forgiving heart and mind. But of course this is just as easy to say as it is hard to practice. When i say hard, I really mean at the risk of going under our pride and self-centeredness. And boy is it so hard to give up this evil thing called pride.

Cherie Carter – Scott in her book IF LIFE IS A GAME, THESE ARE THE RULES pointed out that sometimes we may resist learning to forgive because sometimes it feels good to blame people for their mistakes. It makes us look superior and righteous when we can look down our nose and hold a grudge toward someone who has wronged us. But this feeling feels enjoyable only for a very short time. Eventually, carrying a baggage of resentment becomes exhausting and even destroys the very foundation of our inner peace. The negativity that comes along with holding grudges does not only pull us down but tears us into pieces. And when we are torn apart, we become susceptible to illnesses and unhappiness.

We have a choice to live in forgiveness and unforgiveness as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler put it in their book Life Lessons. When we do not forgive, we hang on to old wounds, hurts, and upsets. We keep the unhappy parts of the past alive and feed our resentments. When we don’t forgive, according to them, we become slaves to ourselves. And becoming slaves to ourselves simply means making pride, negativity, and self-righteousness the core of our lives. Forgiving does not only free the offenders of their wrong. Forgiveness most importantly frees us of our inner desolation. And in effect by forgiving we are actually making our lives easier and a lot happier.

By experience, I have been to a lot of indignation. And each time, it was always so hard for me to let go of the transgression. When we say “I forgive you but I won’t forget what you ‘ve done” , in reality we don’t really forgive. There’s no such thing as conditional or partial forgiveness. Forgiveness is a single act that can never be given in installment. We either forgive or be stuck in a life of wounds. And the bad thing is, living a life of wounds means being in pain everyday of our lives. Ouch that feels bad.

The old maxim that says “time heals every wound” should be “with forgiveness, time heals every wound”. Because when we stay wounded, healing never takes place. We are stuck in a time of pain for as long as we don’t forgive. Time only starts to heal when forgiveness takes place. Deciding to forgive is not dependent on time. It is dependent on our will to forgive. When Jesus forgave one of the criminals in the Calvary, He did not wait for any specific time to forgive. He instantly forgave because that was His will. Jesus is forgiveness Himself.

Forgiving is always and will always be very hard. But here is a secret. Let’s practice to be like Jesus. Let’s make Him the core of our lives. Let’s emulate the very example he showed at the Calvary. And by so doing we become Christ-like gradually. And then we’ll be awed with how life becomes happier, easier, and worth-living.

Let’s practice forgiving every day until it becomes natural like breathing. One day we’ll wake up and realize forgiveness becomes us already.

The power of word

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Perhaps the most inevitable gesture anyone can do unless one is mute is talking. Yet even mute people sometimes utter strange words which only they can understand. Talking takes 90% of our waking hours. At least one still talks even when mouth is closed (with the advent of text messaging). Texting even talks more, only very silently. For that, one should not only be wary of what words to blow but should also be mindful of how these words appear to the hearer. More so if one is texting as emotion of the text is very much dependent on how the receiver takes it.

I have this text mate once, who started a word war with just the word “dense”. And boy was it so intense that we ended up not meeting at all. You see, even silent words can ruin the deepest of relationships. I have witnessed lots of friendship ended with just a slight gesture of not talking at all. Stillness even hurts more than talking itself. And that’s in fact what happened between me and my close friend. I need not elaborate.

The very best one can do is to see to it only sweet and soft words are blown out of the mouth. With beautiful words life can actually become light and comfortable amidst the harshness of every situation (be it economic or social or cultural) one deals with.

 Unfortunately, however, there are people who have naughty words already in their genes. And for these people seeing the negative effect of those words can be as delightful as they are ruinous to the recipient. And mind you, they are as harmful to the recipient as they are to the bearer. I’ve seen people lost their lives simply because of an appalling word. I’ve seen marriage broke because of a single abysmal comment from a spouse. I’ve seen best friends torn apart by just a simple inexcusable utterance of words. That’s how powerful a word is. But as destructive as they are, words can also be the most powerful tool to change lives. I’ve seen people soar high with their career because of just one encouraging word. I’ve read and heard stories of great people whose lives have been transformed by just a single cheering word from an unexpected stranger.

 The magic of sweet and nice words can always transform even the most impossible situation. I bet you have been witnesses of all those magical transformations with the people close to you.

I have always been an advocate of saying sweet, soft and nice words. There’s always an unexplainable result when one says beautiful and lovely words. The effect is mutual and instant. It simultaneously uplifts the spirit of the recipient and the bearer. There’s no quarrel to that. And I wish people realize how enriching life can become if we practice talking beautifully. Let’s be bearer of powerful life-changing words. It always pays to be one. Believe me.