In a homosexual world, to love and being loved in return are realities that hit us all - two facts that never get outdated and put us at the losing end most of the time. There may be techniques to finding our one true love and getting loved in return but I have yet to find a time-honoured method that really works lifelong.
My personal experience on this issue perhaps would permit me to share theories and facts that would shed some light to these seemingly perennial matters of the hearts. I once dreamed, triumphed and failed on a relationship. I know this does not give me the authority to say words for others but it definitely gives me the privilege to be an inspiration for my tribe. We need not browse all the secrets- to -a –lasting- relationship books. All we need is just to get hold of the basic. First, know yourself. And if you are lucky enough to settle into a relationship, be faithful and committed. Lastly, practice contentment.
Fall for the Right Person
Being gay is being funny. But being funny is not synonymous with being silly. The funny thing with some of us homosexual is that we seem to be ignorant about our race. First things first: If we do not realize who we are, then we consequently do not know who our targets should be. Gays are not for straight people. Dr Margie Holmes was serious when she said in her book A Different Kind of Love (being gay in the Philippines) that longing and ultimately getting into a relationship with someone is understandable aspirations and certainly attainable, but not if, automatically it is with a “straight” man who, when push came to shove, would instinctively prefer a woman to us. If we start to identify the target as straight, according to Dr Holmes, we are automatically on the role of supplicant and not equal and we are at the losing end.
Let’s face it. We have for one instance experienced how it is to fall for a straight guy. And we know every end of our story because straight people have predictable moves – to settle for a fellow straight and leave us in dismay.
Commit to be Faithful with your Partner
Every couple is vulnerable, homosexuals and heterosexuals alike. When in a serious gay relationship, committing to practice monogamy is almost always impossible. But this issue is not to be taken within the context of being a homosexual. Being faithful is not a matter of sexual orientation. It is a matter of attitude, an affair of values and a question of perspective.
Being faithful is being fair to your partner. And with fairness, there is justice. Every relationship that is founded in the spirit of justice is likely to last. Why? Because both parties will have no drive to offend each other. Each party is driven by the urge to make the other party happy.
When we commit ourselves to someone, we devote ourselves and pledge to stay with that person no matter what. It goes to say that we obligate to excuse ourselves with whatever inducement that may turn up. However, because gay couples cannot marry and majority of them can neither openly hold hands in public or kiss or hug or display some acts of affection openly (although some are doing these overtly) , the relationship becomes so pressured (unknowingly) making them more predisposed to giving in to the temptation of the flesh. But still, couples are given choices: To give in to the enticement or to live up to their commitment. Most of the time being faithful is synonymous to long-lasting relationship. If we learn to live by this value, we are safe to trek the road less travelled – the road to a happy and lasting relationship.
Contentment Wraps up Everything
I love what Solomon Ibn Gabirol, the great Hebrew poet-philosopher, had to say on the issue of contentment. “Who seeks more than he needs, hinders himself from enjoying what he has. Seek what you need and give up what you need not. For in giving what you don’t need, you’ll learn what you really do need.” Stop thinking you’ll be better off with someone else. And when you do, your mind stops to marvel what it feels to be in another arms and you start to be blissfully grateful with the relationship you have.
There are always hitches in every relationship. That’s given. What we can do is pave its road with simply the basics. And somehow, love issues are trampled with a delightful smile.
