Dear Solitude,

I wonder why every encounter with you 
sets off something unusual beyond explanation.
Your presence ignites the inner yearnings
that have always been so uncertain. 
You remind me once again that life itself 
is sometimes as void as the longings
that are kept in the dimness of secrets.
Do you really mean to stimulate my sanity?
Or do you just come to remind me 
that if happiness is founded in material realm
the pleasure is as fleeting as our life's journey?
That if I live for the One who created both of us
I can truly call my life worth-lived?
If so, then don't only come as often as i want
but stay as long as you will 
then consume my whole being 
and grant me that debt of gratitude
that will become my wings when i fly home
when i leave everything behind
and meet the very Force that sends you to me.

Up Until Now

I chased for the things I thought mattered,

And found people hurting me in the end.

I pursued feelings I deemed pleasing

But got hold of myself wounded with the memories left.

I fancied for a  life full of excesses,

And found myself somber over the affluence I claimed mine.

Up until now I thought life is all about those I chased for

But alas it is in fact about the things that matter less in the world

Yet matter more in God’s eyes!

I played life by the character I thought I was

And ended up disgruntled over the performance I gave

I followed the role I felt was mine

And incessantly found the discontent that haunted me all along

I presumed I have to run after life so I can face the battle strong

And ended weary ,upset to find I can never outrun it.

Up until now I thought life is a play prepared and done

But alas it is in fact an unfinished piece to take part on

A work in process in God’s hand!

My "Summum Bonum"

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you...

Today I have learned an important phrase through the homily of Father Mario Sobrejuanite (aired over Studio 23 every 9:00 A.M.).  Summum Bonum is a latin phrase which stands for highest good.

While many are already in their journey, some are still unable to understand what they should look for to attain happiness. In fact, many have gone to their rest not being able to grab a hint that for a life to be fully lived, one has to identify his “summum bonum” and has to pursue for it no matter what.

Ones “summum bonum” differs according to the status and the kind of perspective one keeps. To some, accumulating wealth and living a comfortable life might be a worthy goal to chase; to others, finding the right person to love and to some more others, getting out from a very unhealthy relationship. But in some parts of the world “summum bonum” has been reduced to a meal for a day, a room for shelter, and paradoxically death. This makes us luckier than those whose only option is to choose death as answer to their unending struggle.

The realm of spirituality urges us to seek for God as our “summum bonum”. I strongly agree that indeed if you have a God you can call your highest good, everything else follows. When your greatest pursuit in life is to be in communion with the God you believed in, you get the best of life along your journey.

When you have God in mind while building up your wealth, you don’t accumulate more and more for selfish reason. Your aim is to increase your riches so you can share to as many as possible. When you have God in your heart while going into a romantic relationship, your end goal is not to hurt but to create a happy family with that person.  When you have God in your daily dealings, your aim is to establish good human relationship with those you meet. And all through these, you not only traverse the best road life can offer on your way to your “summum bonum” but you also get the most out of life as if you have already reached your goal.

At times along the way, we divert our energy to the many enticements our material world offers.  And oftentimes we lose sight of our target and even become so attached with the fleeting things we mistakenly identify as equal or even of greater value than our “summum bonum”. The good news is, we can always “refresh” our lost goal and continue to pursue what really matters most. And to refresh means to forgive those who have wronged us; to reconcile with those we have hurt; to rekindle old friendships that have gone cold for quite some time; to be more generous for the needy; to live a healthy lifestyle; to shift focus everyday on the things, events, people that make us better person inside and out and etc...

Today I have not only learned two latin words. Today more than ever the phrase “summum bonum” reminds me that life must not only be beautiful. Life must be meaningful as well. Choose God to be your “summum bonum” and you will have a blessed life here and in the hereafter.

Having Faith Faithfully

Having faith is to walk in the dark and to continue walking despite the seeming absence and silence of God.

Faith is amazingly a big word. It is a special key to all of life’s padlocks. That is what I believe it is. One has to have faith to live a life. Otherwise, life becomes hard and meaningless.

After watching  Father Mario Sobrejuanite’s homily over Studio 23 (October 03, 2010), I can’t help but agree that faith is indeed of two aspects: BELIEF and TRUST. Belief, as he expounded, is something that is in the head while trust is what is in the heart. In other words, to believe is to recognize an idea, a person or a thing supported by a fact while to trust is to believe unconditionally.

With that in mind, faith therefore is accepting those that are visible and justifiable and recognizing those that are beyond explanations.

When I decided to quit working three years ago (for health reason), I was terrified where a jobless life would lead me. I have a monthly amortization to attend to and I have the usual expenses to incur every day. I was afraid I have to admit. But more than the fear was my faith that God will always find ways for me. And true enough He provided everything and is continually supplying my daily needs small and big alike until now.

Faith to me is trusting God’s will. Faith is believing that God has plans for us. When we start to trust God, everything falls into its proper place. We become awed with the things that we don’t realize we are capable doing of. We attract people who bring unforeseen opportunities. We start to open up ourselves to changes that surprisingly help us become better persons.

Having faith is really having control over all the energy in the universe. When we trust that our dreams will come true no matter what, we are ordering the universe to manifest the details on the fulfilment of what we think we can have or what we dream we can become.

Faith brings positivity too. When we have faith in our hearts, we see only the positive implications to all the incidents that unfold everyday. We automatically find good reasons why an event has to take place. We become less critical of our failures and that of others. We start to see the glass half full and not half empty. And this is good because as we become positive energy-driven, we attract only positive things and events to manifest in our lives.

Today I don’t anymore say to myself “ I am unemployed.” Because I don’t perceive my current state as a misfortune. Today, I am very self-assured to say I am on a new chapter of my life. And with faith, I am confident to realize the dreams I have in my heart.

The Journey to Letting Go

The most difficult consequence of breaking up is letting go.

Not being able to let go because you still feel for a person is the hardest of all. But when you start to sense you are trapped in the cobwebs of false hopes, letting go is not anymore an option - it is the only sensible thing to do.

In a “break-up” situation where your partner is completely fallen out of love, refusing to move on and to face chances of falling in love again under the thought of never finding another person better than a former lover is perhaps one of the most stupid things you can do. You see, when you feed your thoughts the idea that no one is better than your ex and that someday you can rekindle the broken relationship, any opportunity of falling in love to a new one is denied of you. In other words, you are putting your love life in a “freeze-loving” stage thereby piling up your lost opportunities of finding someone better and denying yourself of a happy life.  If this happens to you, sharpen your ears so you will hear the thumping of the spirit of letting go.

Letting go is not easy. That is given. The road is long and dreary. But there are shortcuts to it. Open-mindedness is one. When you open your mind to the reality that life has to continue after a blurry episode, you begin to shorten the journey. When you open your mind to the possibility that something better can take place, you start to narrow the gap between pain and healing. And sooner you will reach the cornerstone where new love stories are made.

But how do you know letting go is already at hand? When uttering the name of your ex doesn’t taste bitter to the tongue anymore, you know the journey is ending. When memories of the past become simply a page of a story written and read, you know the haunting is almost over. But be very careful with the way  you stride the last steps of the journey.  It is at this point where truth rears its ugly face - the truth that you have fooled yourself all through the way. Meaning you can always fool yourself while gliding the path to letting go. When you say you have moved on but vowed never to see that person again, you have fooled yourself along the way.

 Letting go has nothing to do with forgetting the person you intend to let go. Letting go is embracing the whole of that person and acknowledging the lessons you both learned together. In other words, it is only when you are able to say “thank you for coming into my life and for the lessons I have learned along with you” with all honesty and gratefulness that you have truly reached the end of the journey.

I am sharing to you the poem I made when I found out my former partner decided to shut all connections he has with me. I respect that decision. And I have no resentment whatsoever except to conclude he has never reached the journey to letting go.

A Blissful Deliverance

You really think you have ended all

The face, the voice, the memories, the call

I tell you unless you embrace the whole of me you’ll never walk tall

Even if you go pretending released, you are still bound to fall.

And how is it that you suddenly hate everything of me?

How could you have forgotten your torment I have aided to flee?

Is it because of the cut I created when I started to see?

 That life would be lovelier if, in the end, it is not you and me.

If you let go of me, let go with compassion and justice

Not with hate not with loathing but with goodness,

Let’s leave each other’s dream and grasp each other’s mess

Not with vengeance but with fondness, with peace none the less.

So forgive now and stop chasing this dreary run

And I promise to whisper to the wind when it crosses the sun

The words that will fill the song you have kept undone

And only then you will truly feel what it is to have blissfully forgone.

Table Centerpiece for Free

If u think recycling applies only to used plastic, glass, paper, textiles and electronics, think again. While i was about to clean my front yard from the usual fallen flowers of a flower bearing tree I planted some years back, I realized something good can come out of these seemingly waste material. With just a little ingenuity it took me only a little time to come up with a very unique center piece for my dining table at no cost.

Who would have thought these yellow fallen flowers can become a cost-free centerpiece...

Voila! A unique Dining table centerpiece fresh from my frontyard!!!

Living Room Transformation

I got bored with my current living room set-up and decided to whip a little re-arrangement and decided to change my sofa with a wooden one. I am posting the photos here so you can make some comments and suggestions on the new look I have achieved.

                                               This is my old set-up with the old sofa

                                            This one is the new set-up with the new wooden sala set

You think i did the right thing???

The Shadow of Lie

You come in great majesty
I envy your splendour, your radiance I spite
Your voice echoes amidst the dusk and gloom
With hands giving out all as boundless, as infinite as my dreams
Amidst the envious eyes of truth.
Would I embrace you as if you are mine?
Or would you grip my wholeness as if I am yours?
Lounge with me little lies and we can grow mighty together.
Give me the best you have and I will hand you the worst I can be.
But wait, life is still fair even if it is brief
And in the end what matters is not what I have become in the darkness
But what I am able to do beyond the dimness
So stay away now and let me follow the light.

Loving Differently: Opening our Perspective to Homosexual Realities

In a homosexual world, to love and being loved in return are realities that hit us all - two facts that never get outdated and put us at the losing end most of the time. There may be techniques to finding our one true love and getting loved in return but I have yet to find a time-honoured method that really works lifelong.

My personal experience on this issue perhaps would permit me to share theories and facts that would shed some light to these seemingly perennial matters of the hearts. I once dreamed, triumphed and failed on a relationship. I know this does not give me the authority to say words for others but it definitely gives me the privilege to be an inspiration for my tribe. We need not browse all the secrets- to -a –lasting- relationship books.  All we need is just to get hold of the basic. First, know yourself.  And if you are lucky enough to settle into a relationship, be faithful and committed. Lastly, practice contentment.

Fall for the Right Person

Being gay is being funny. But being funny is not synonymous with being silly. The funny thing with some of us homosexual is that we seem to be ignorant about our race. First things first: If we do not realize who we are, then we consequently do not know who our targets should be. Gays are not for straight people. Dr Margie Holmes was serious when she said in her book A Different Kind of Love (being gay in the Philippines) that longing and ultimately getting into a relationship with  someone  is understandable aspirations and certainly attainable, but not if, automatically it is with  a “straight” man who, when push came to shove, would instinctively prefer a woman to us. If we start to identify the target as straight, according to Dr Holmes, we are automatically on the role of supplicant and not equal and we are at the losing end.

Let’s face it. We have for one instance experienced how it is to fall for a straight guy. And we know every end of our story because straight people have predictable moves – to settle for a fellow straight and leave us in dismay.

Commit to be Faithful with your Partner

Every couple is vulnerable, homosexuals and heterosexuals alike. When in a serious gay relationship, committing to practice monogamy is almost always impossible. But this issue is not to be taken within the context of being a homosexual. Being faithful is not a matter of sexual orientation. It is a matter of attitude, an affair of values and a question of perspective.

Being faithful is being fair to your partner. And with fairness, there is justice. Every relationship that is founded in the spirit of justice is likely to last. Why?  Because both parties will have no drive to offend each other. Each party is driven by the urge to make the other party happy.

When we commit ourselves to someone, we devote ourselves and pledge to stay with that person no matter what. It goes to say that we obligate to excuse ourselves with whatever inducement that may turn up.  However, because gay couples cannot marry and majority of them can neither openly hold hands in public or kiss or hug or display some acts of affection openly (although some are doing these overtly) , the relationship becomes so pressured (unknowingly) making them  more predisposed to giving in to the temptation of the flesh.  But still, couples are given choices: To give in to the enticement or to live up to their commitment. Most of the time being faithful is synonymous to long-lasting relationship. If we learn to live by this value, we are safe to trek the road less travelled – the road to a happy and lasting relationship.

Contentment Wraps up Everything

I love what Solomon Ibn Gabirol, the great Hebrew poet-philosopher, had to say on the issue of contentment. “Who seeks more than he needs, hinders himself from enjoying what he has.  Seek what you need and give up what you need not.  For in giving what you don’t need, you’ll learn what you really do need.”  Stop thinking you’ll be better off with someone else. And when you do, your mind stops to marvel what it feels to be in another arms and you start to be blissfully grateful with the relationship you have.

There are always hitches in every relationship. That’s given. What we can do is pave its road with simply the basics.  And somehow, love issues are trampled with a delightful smile.

Loving Both of You

There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less

The lines above are just but simply lyrics of a song for me until today. A friend of mine is trapped in a similar situation. I was wedged into questioning if it’s really possible to fall in love (romantically) to two persons at the same time? The answer  I got from a friend was surprisingly unexpected. According to him, it is truly possible. That is his personal point of view. And while there is probably an element of truth to his view, mine is different.  If one loves two persons at the same time, that person either truly loves one of them while fooling the other or that person is completely fooling himself/herself.

I deem it necessary to dig a little deeper on what love really is.  According to Helen Fisher, an expert on the topic of love, experiencing love is of three partly overlapping stages: lust, attraction and attachment. Lust initiates an increased release of testosterone and estrogen triggered by a passionate sexual desire that rarely lasts for few weeks or months. When a commitment to an individual is formed, attraction comes in that temporarily lasts from one and a half to three years. Attachment is the more serious version of the first two stages.  Relationships born out of attachment usually last for many years and even decades. It is a bonding that promotes significant connection between  or among people. If we consider Helen fisher’s theory, the most important question one should ask when caught in a dilemma of loving two persons at the same time should be: WHICH STAGE ARE WE IN?  Because each stage signifies different analysis. One might end up realizing how fleeting feeling can be mistaken as true love.  Mind you, there are instances where a person suddenly gets attracted to another for various reasons while still in a committed relationship. But still the question will point again as to whether it is lust, attraction or attachment. I will leave the burden of analyzing your own situation to no one but yourself.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler give love its ideal meaning. In their book Life Lessons, love is considered as the opposite of fear, the core of creativity, the grace of power, the source of happiness and an intricate part of who we are. I know everyone agrees love is the source of happiness. If this is so, how can one say it is possible to love two persons at the same time? Let’s assign A to be in love with B and C. As far as A is concerned, the situation is good. But what about B and C? Would they really like A to love them both altogether?  Is there really love when one party is in deep gloom while the other is in teeming ecstasy? Well unless the three of them honestly accede to carry on the relationship. But even so, how long can anyone of them last? Would it not be so selfish for A to persist loving both B and C? If love is the opposite of fear, can B and C continue living a life of self-assurance? What can happen now to the words guarantee, confidence and security for them? I know how terribly hard it is to be in this condition. My conviction is this: if you can honestly say life is far better now having both of them, then it pays to be torn between two lovers.  But if you believe love is what gives our days their deep meaning and if it is what we are truly made of, then it pays to love with full responsibility to ourselves to others and to our God.

2011 and ME

The previous years had been so intense for me both emotionally and psychologically. Finding and eventually losing a lover, witnessing a lousing friendship and getting vertigo all at a very close time interval were just so extreme and had me almost blown out of proportion. I must admit I was caught unguarded with those disparaging events in my life.  And thank heavens I have a God bigger than all of those nit-picking  experiences to help me continue living my life positively.

But while the previous years brought so much distress, I was also luckier to have witnessed friends getting so much blessings in their lives. My best friend was able to pursue a career in Singapore and then another friend followed also and I had the 2010 ended with a successful  gift-giving activity I initiated with the help of some of my friends here and abroad.

This year might just be a surprise in the making. Who knows. Hehehe...

This 2011, I would like to try out some principles I have encountered through my readings and from the advice of some people close to my heart. I am sharing them with you and in case you find them practical and helpful, go ahead and make them your own!

               

·         Keep only the friends who truly value you. Discard the rest.

·         Be an entrepreneur in whatever capacity you can.

·         Focus on helping people who cannot repay your generosity.

·         Be honest all the time.

·         Always give time the best value. Never steal other people’s time.

·         Be nice always to your family. 

·         Always trust in God’s will for you!

·         Always think positively in the midst of all the negativity surrounding you!

·         Be a wise spender.

·         Be grateful all the time. Always value “debt-of-gratitude.”