When Forgiveness Becomes Us

Father Mario Sobrejuanite’s homily (aired over Studio 23) last Sunday on the gospel about “The Prodigal Son” brought me into thinking. You see, this favourite priest of mine never fails to ignite my inner sense every time he slices up the whole gospel relating every detail into stories that burst into flames of moral lessons that most of the time bring me into tears of affirmation. Thank you father Mario.

The Prodigal Son tells everything about forgiveness. Forgiveness at its highest degree and meaning. And I couldn’t help but go into raptures over the love behind that unconditional act of a father. A father who is never attached to revulsion and resentment after a son’s seemingly act of insolence. His is an example of how we should live out our lives. Of how we should reach out to every person we meet, reaching out with a forgiving heart and mind. But of course this is just as easy to say as it is hard to practice. When i say hard, I really mean at the risk of going under our pride and self-centeredness. And boy is it so hard to give up this evil thing called pride.

Cherie Carter – Scott in her book IF LIFE IS A GAME, THESE ARE THE RULES pointed out that sometimes we may resist learning to forgive because sometimes it feels good to blame people for their mistakes. It makes us look superior and righteous when we can look down our nose and hold a grudge toward someone who has wronged us. But this feeling feels enjoyable only for a very short time. Eventually, carrying a baggage of resentment becomes exhausting and even destroys the very foundation of our inner peace. The negativity that comes along with holding grudges does not only pull us down but tears us into pieces. And when we are torn apart, we become susceptible to illnesses and unhappiness.

We have a choice to live in forgiveness and unforgiveness as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler put it in their book Life Lessons. When we do not forgive, we hang on to old wounds, hurts, and upsets. We keep the unhappy parts of the past alive and feed our resentments. When we don’t forgive, according to them, we become slaves to ourselves. And becoming slaves to ourselves simply means making pride, negativity, and self-righteousness the core of our lives. Forgiving does not only free the offenders of their wrong. Forgiveness most importantly frees us of our inner desolation. And in effect by forgiving we are actually making our lives easier and a lot happier.

By experience, I have been to a lot of indignation. And each time, it was always so hard for me to let go of the transgression. When we say “I forgive you but I won’t forget what you ‘ve done” , in reality we don’t really forgive. There’s no such thing as conditional or partial forgiveness. Forgiveness is a single act that can never be given in installment. We either forgive or be stuck in a life of wounds. And the bad thing is, living a life of wounds means being in pain everyday of our lives. Ouch that feels bad.

The old maxim that says “time heals every wound” should be “with forgiveness, time heals every wound”. Because when we stay wounded, healing never takes place. We are stuck in a time of pain for as long as we don’t forgive. Time only starts to heal when forgiveness takes place. Deciding to forgive is not dependent on time. It is dependent on our will to forgive. When Jesus forgave one of the criminals in the Calvary, He did not wait for any specific time to forgive. He instantly forgave because that was His will. Jesus is forgiveness Himself.

Forgiving is always and will always be very hard. But here is a secret. Let’s practice to be like Jesus. Let’s make Him the core of our lives. Let’s emulate the very example he showed at the Calvary. And by so doing we become Christ-like gradually. And then we’ll be awed with how life becomes happier, easier, and worth-living.

Let’s practice forgiving every day until it becomes natural like breathing. One day we’ll wake up and realize forgiveness becomes us already.